How many times have you been in a conversation with a friend (or even a stranger, for that matter) and found yourself wondering, “Did she really just say that?”
I had one of those moments a couple of months ago. I was sharing with someone that I needed to start having playdates again so my two-year–old could socialize with other kids her age. (Making decisions in our new pandemic world has been difficult, but my husband and I are starting to live life a little more normally – albeit cautiously.) She laughed and replied that, “In my day, when our children needed a playmate, we just got pregnant again!”
I was completely caught off guard.
As someone who just recently lost a pregnancy, I started to feel hurt and offended, and I truly didn’t know what to say.
But here’s the thing: This woman had no idea that I was recovering from a miscarriage. How could I expect her to? I hardly know her. There was no way she could have possibly known, otherwise I don’t think she would have said those words.
It would have been so easy to reply with something snarky. It would have taken very little effort for me to tell her what happened to me, and therefore put her in her place… to leave her speechless and even humiliated.
But… I didn’t. God gave me grace in that moment. I laughed it off the best I could and said, “Oh, who knows what will happen!”
Why am I sharing this? My point is simple: We need to give grace to others instead of immediately taking offense when their words rub us the wrong way. We can’t always expect others to say the right thing all the time. Think of how many times you have put your own foot in your mouth! Heaven knows we all do it.
It’s not easy to take this advice. I recognize that I’m asking for us to go totally against our culture where everyone is offended about everything. And I don’t mean to toot my own horn and say, “Look how great my response was! I am so wise!” The truth is that it was only with God’s help – and the Holy Spirit’s leading – that I was able to respond the way I did.
And one other thing… We can take a second lesson from these situations: We can use them as learning opportunities to be careful of our words to one another. We can be more loving and more sensitive. We can think before we speak and hold our tongue when we have nothing kind or helpful to say.
Jennifer: I will say AMEN & AMEN!!! Oh, how we know how the tongue speaks too much!! Thanks for this reminder (it’s NOT a little reminder, either). God Bless!
Hi Jennifer. I loved your post. Thank you for sharing your real experiences. I had a very similar experience and can relate. I also have a two year old, had a miscarriage in February, but trusting that our family and other children are all in God’s hands. I recently was confronted with how often friends say things that can come across as judgmental or critical, not knowing they have hit a nerve. It takes grace and love and forgiveness on our part. Also realizing that insensitivity was not their intention. We all need grace, mercy and forgiveness. In the end we are all on a journey with God to become more like Him. That requires decisions not based on emotions, but trusting the Holy Spirit and viewing others through the eyes of Jesus. It is not always an easy journey, but how satisfying knowing we are pleasing God and growing in all things eternal. Thank you for reminding me of that. You have a beautiful blog. Keep being a blessing to others.
I recently started my own blog. I am still new at this, but just responded in obedience to God’s prompting. If you like, you can check it out at: http://www.resolutewoman.org
Blessings
Talita
Hi Talita! Thank you for stopping by and thank you for your kind words. I am going to check out your blog now as well! I’m so thankful for the opportunity to connect with other women who have had similar experiences. It is really encouraging.