The beauty of autumn is nearly behind us, and I can’t help thinking how I’m leaving this season with a completely different feeling than when I entered it. At the beginning of this fall, I was reflective of how much God had done in my life and thankful for His faithfulness. I was ready to run full-steam ahead in continued growth and love for my Savior.

But I’ll be honest: on this crisp November day, I am finding myself struggling to see the meaning in God’s plan for my family. As some of you know, just a few weeks ago, we unexpectedly lost my uncle. He was only 58 years old and just a few months shy of becoming a first-time grandpa. Sure, he had a history of health issues, but he had been fighting hard to get healthy. Just 10 days prior to his passing, he texted me to tell me how excited he was to have reversed his diabetes.

Truth be told, it doesn’t make sense that we lost him. We weren’t ready to lose him. And in the midst of trying to cope with his passing, I can’t even count the number of other major stressors that are pulling and stretching me and my family thinner and thinner. Some days, I literally look up to the skies and think, “God, what else?!”

But oh, what a selfish, entitled heart I have inside my chest that beats for sinful comforts and luxuries! A heart that wants life to be easy and painless. A heart that wants life to be convenient, worry-free and most of all predictable.

But that’s not the life Jesus came to save me from, is it? No, He came to save me from my sinful nature and this fallen world. And oh, how I need him–especially in times like these.

When life hurts and when it doesn’t make sense, I must intentionally turn my eyes toward heaven and cry for help. I have to put my trust and hope in my Savior, who has promised over and over again that He is faithful to His children (1 Corinthians 1:9). I have to walk in confidence that His plan is for my good and His glory (Romans 8:28) — even when it doesn’t make sense.

So today, I pray the words of Psalm 40 and know that my help comes from the Lord, who draws me up from my darkness and makes my steps secure as I trust in Him.

I waited patiently for the Lord;
    he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
    out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
    making my steps secure.
He put a new song in my mouth,
    a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
    and put their trust in the Lord. Psalm 40:1-3